The Informant (video): Phillip Barber on representing Alex Murdaugh on trial for murder
Listen in as my husband and I share our experience with the "trial of the decade": surprise evidence, a CourtTV media circus, and being away from home.
17 minute video / 6 minute read.
In 2023, my husband, Phil, lived in Walterboro, South Carolina, for about seven weeks to represent Alex Murdaugh on trial for the murder of his wife and son.
Cosima was about four months old at the time, so the tremendous time and focus spent on this case—from the consuming pre-trial preparation, to the round-the-clock trial itself, to staying on top of a busy docket of other cases—was a big commitment for both Phil and our family.
Logistically, Phil would return to Charleston late Friday evenings, after Cosi and I were asleep, work in his home office all day on Saturday on videos with the team, and drive back to Walterboro after Sunday breakfast. It was all-in.
Speaking to my own experience, it was an odd time, being back home as a new mom. And as a lawyer. I won’t lie; it was kind of hard. It was a mash-up of little experiences that, while none of which was very difficult for me, sort of added up to an endurance race.
I distinctly remember taking yet anotherrrrr solo stroller-and-dog walk around the neighborhood one afternoon (Sidenote: as a new mom, I was not skilled at just strapping Cosi to me and going out and about in the world for meals and outings and activities, and instead stayed close to home doing the same things pretty much every day, which was both comforting at the time, but in retrospect, also unecessarily isolating), and seeing through front doors and windows that, in every living room of every house we passed, the trial was on. It was the only topic of conversation in Charleston, and I would frequently be faced with questions/comments from strangers/acquaintances/friends who were poorly informed of the facts and had formed opinions that I was not at liberty to correct with information they did not have, so it created a lot of dead-end awkward interractions for me. I felt a lot of, “these people don’t get it, but I can’t say anything.” Again, a bit isolating.
After a few days of realizing Phil was working almost around the clock (up early to prepare for trial, in the courtroom all day, back to the team’s house and war room to continue preparing while eating dinner, more work, some sleep, do it again…), I embraced that the best way to know what was happening was to download the CourtTV app and live-stream the trial like everyone else (definitely a first for me) and wait for texts from paralegals inside the courtroom alerting me that something important for Phil was about to happen. Knowing what your husband did that day because you watched him on TV is a weird experience.
Then, I remember at one point, when Cosi was more like six months old, she had been waking up during the night—five or six or seven times, every night, for weeks and weeks in a row, unable to sleep unless I held her—and I was getting depressed from such continued sleep disruption. I was very sleep deprived and wasn’t feeling healthy, barely crashing in the guest room next to her nursery before the next adrenaline rush. It (both her sleep and my health) were compounding and going only downhill, with her waking up within a few minutes of me placing her down, whereas previously she had been sleeping most of the night. I kept procrastinating on taking action to help me and her, thinking if I could make it just one more night, maybe it would be different. Eventually, I did a lot of research and learning and finally, one night, and I intentionally picked a Friday, was prepared with my plan to allow her to cry for a few minutes and practice falling back asleep on her own without me holding her in the dark in the chair every time, all night. Something she and I had never done before, but I knew we were ready. I remember standing alone in Cosi’s bathroom, in the dark with the lights off, listening to her cry for just a few minutes on the other side of the door and thinking, “this is so f-ing hard; Phil will be home soon,” then I saw my phone light up silently with a text saying something like, “We’re not able to come back tonight; we have to keep working.” (I’m sure it was much sweeter than that, but that was the idea.) I had already started to let Cosi cry a little and it would have been confusing, counter-productive, and unfair to both me and her if I were to just “take it back” and go running in and undo it. So I thought, “Well, f-ck.” And just forged forward. (Sidenote: All of my friends have different timing and experiences on teaching their children to fall asleep on their own, whatever scenario that means to them, which I think is a vital skill for physical health, development, and emotional wellbeing, and I therefore considered it my responsibility to teacher my daughter that skill when she needed it; whatever works for you works; “if it’s not a problem for you, it’s not a problem,” as they say.)
I wanted to share those anecdotes for a reason.
I think a lot of women and perhaps moms, especially, can relate to the concept that any endeavor a member of the family takes on individually—a huge client for the husband; a job/hobby requiring more travel for the wife; travel sports for the children; or even just the church you join and the school you select for your kids and the friends that you associate with—is actually an undertaking by the entire family because, for me and Phil—and this may not align with everyone’s perspectives for their own lives—he and I no longer exist as individuals and instead are only parts of a family unit; so, anything that does not serve the unit is out of the question, and the unit’s health and success is the only priority. Only. Tunnel vision. No hesitation. (Yes, of course, Phil and I maintain hobbies and friends and alone time and enriching lives as adults separate from our identities as married or parents; but the only priority—and by definition you can only have one at a time—is our family unit and therefore we make decisions accordingly.)
So, I was thrilled, and so proud, to chip in what I could to support Phil in this endeavor, because it served our family. And, I learned so much about myself, and it made me an excellent mom in ways I would not have tried, I think. You can do anything hard for a finite period of time if it serves the family unit.
Last, reflecting on my own experience, and if you need a laugh… I also distinctly remember the paralegals (who are super excellent at their jobs, by the way, and just wonderful people) texting me a screenshot of a Twitter post from some random lady out on the interwebs saying, “Oh, that Phil Barber has a voice smooth as maple syrup” and “I could listen to him read a CVS receipt every night…” !! Oh my gosh. So funny! So, once your husband has little-old-lady fans in fly-over states addicted to watching him on CourtTV while dreaming of the sound of his voice, you know you’re in the midst of something.
For Phil, it was a unique dive into a specific little corner of the world of criminal defense, which came with twists and turns both expected and unanticipated.
In this video conversation, he shares on topics both legal and logistical:
Where did he and the defense team live and prepare in a town with barely any hotel rooms?
What was it like to be in a small Southern town suddenly under a media microscope and overflowing with courtroom drama fanatics?
How did it feel to pour much of his time, energy and intellect into such a highly important matter that others experienced as spectators for entertainment?
Was it difficult for the full immersion of trial to conclude and then return to family life and “business as usual”?
Did he have specific trepidations about being away from an infant daughter for long stretches of time?
How did he receive and react to surprise evidence, offered in response to one particular question Phil asked a witness?
Let’s find out.
This 17 minute video conversation is for my premium subscribers, who contribute $7 per month to receive my public content (2-3 posts per week) plus 1 premium exclusive publication (typically a video) every week. They also have access to the private Chat, in which they meet like-minded subscribers and engage with me on daily topics of conversation…. Thank you so much to my subscribers—numbering about 510 just a few weeks after launching this site—for your interest in and support of my work. Whether public or premium, I take your participation very seriously and love creating this product with, and for, you.
(PS: I hope everyone is lucky enough to have a best friend as game as mine! Thank you to Phil for always supporting my projects and rooting for me.)